Stress is a bad thing in today’s world. Everybody falls victim to it. You are always in a hurry. You overwork yourself. You don’t take days off. You feel like nothing you do will ever be good enough.
If you can’t take a full day off, reexamine yourself.
You know this attitude will make you sick sooner or later.
There are six primary conditions that cause us to feel stress and tension.
1. Lack of meaning and purpose in life / Lack of feeling of significance.
The Law of emotions states that the emotions you feed grow stronger, and the emotions that you don’t feed grow weaker.
You put your firewood in either fire.
Basically, if you only think and talk about the things you want, and focus only on them, you will have no firewood left for the fire of worries.
You will be purpose-driven.
Human beings need to feel that their lives have significance and this is achieved when we feel that we are making a contribution. We are giving in more than we are taking out.
Example: People on welfare are unhappy.
People doing a good job feel good.
A lack of meaning and purpose means a lack of goals.
If you feel listless, make a list of goals. Make a list of 12 goals you are going to achieve in the next 12 months.
2. The unfinished action.
All negativity comes from a feeling of wasted potential. People have an impulse for completion. Incomplete actions make you sad and depressed. Make a list of all actions you haven’t completed yet. Discard the ones you don’t want to complete and complete the rest. Close the circle.
Also, be skeptical when giving promises. Too many promises can make this list grow very large, very fast.
Procrastination is not just a thief of time, it’s a thief of happiness and a major source of stress.
Any incomplete act makes you feel like a non-winner and any complete act makes you feel like a boss.
Close the loop. Finish things.
If you feel like you need to complete an action, but don’t have anything to do, pick an already completed job and complete it again.
You will feel much better.
If you feel like you need to relieve yourself of too much stress, try the scathing letter technique.
Write a letter to a person you feel angry at, and put in it everything this person made you angry with, in as much detail as you can.
When you are done… Just file the letter.
You will feel much better after you do this.
3. Fear of Failure.
There are two ways to deal with the fear of failure.
a. Do the things you fear and the death of fear is certain.
b. The affirmation “I can do it”.
The reason for fear of failure is destructive criticism.
Move toward what you fear. Do it and you will have conquered your fear.
4. Fear of rejection
Fear of rejection is caused by parents using conditional love to get their children to do what they want them to do.
This leads to Type A behavior.
Type A behavior is characterized by:
a. The Hurry Sickness. You are always in a hurry and don’t know why or where you are hurrying for, but you must get there fast.
b. Insecurity of status. No matter how much you earn and how far you go, you will always feel like you don’t deserve it and you will get caught and returned to where you started.
c. Feeling a need to perform to some undetermined high standard, or in other words, a feeling that you are never good enough.
Type A’s feel like they are no good and they need to perform more. There is no such thing as feeling accomplishment. The bar is always being raised.
d. Competitiveness against almost everybody.
e. Aggression, hostility.
f. Thing oriented, instead of people oriented, especially in terms of numbers.
g. Takes no time off.
Type B, behavior on the other hand is performance and results-oriented. The key to success in business.
Type A likes politics and manipulations.
There are two types of people
-The type that look at others as human beings
-The type that look at others as agents and try to get things from people. If you cannot help them, they walk away in an instant. Like, in mid-conversation.
To move from Type A to Type B
- Admit that you are a Type A. You don’t need to be a complete Type A. You can be a partial Type A.
- Decide to change.
- Meditate to relax completely twice a day.
It’s easy to tell a Type A from a Workaholic.
Workaholics enjoy their work and take time off. They are inner directed.
Type A‘s don’t take time off. They are externally driven. They compare themselves to others.
Type A’s don’t take time off, because they fear people will find they are not that necessary, after all.
If you can’t take a day off, you need to reexamine yourself.
Type A people usually get seriously sick in the end.
5. Denial of reality.
The denial of reality is the core psychological illness. The refusal to face unpleasant truths. We engage in denial because we are afraid of embarassment.
- a. Reality IS! If an event has occurred, don’t deny it.
- b. There is often a price you can pay to walk away. Often, it’s the money.
- c. Resolve to pay the price sooner, rather than later.
There are two types of personalities
Evader personality. Characterized by denial, lies, depression.
Confronter personality. Healthy person. Speaks the truth. They confront the person or the situation directly.
You need to become a Confronter.
The most important rule is to set piece of mind as your highest goal.
There are three ways to deal with a situation
- Accept it and stop complaining
- Resolve it.
- Walk away.
6. Anger is the worst negative emotion
Anger depends on blaming others for its existence. We become angry when we feel aggressed upon.
Symptoms of Anger:
“It happened to me”
“They did it to me”
Anger is characterized by the need to hit, scream, kick, bite.
Overating can be a symptome of Anger – you bite into that delicious beef. You don’t want a salad.
An easy way to deal with anger is to find something to hit – a ball, or the mattress.
The cure is simple. Say the words “I am responsible” and take responsibility for what happened.
No matter what happened to you in your past, you are responsible, so take responsibility for it by saying the words “I am responsible“. Set some written goals.
If you do these two things, 90% of your problems will resolve themselves. The other 10% that won’t go away are facts of life and you don’t need to worry about them.
Say the words I am responsible. Set some written goals with deadlines.
Write in the comments what you think about goals and responsibility. Do they work for you?